Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
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He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
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He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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