I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
