I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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