The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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