Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
