Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
