Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
