Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
