hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
home. puking in laundry basket.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
