He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
it's like heaven, but drunker
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
