god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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