when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
