i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
this will be a night to untag.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
