The best revenge is premature balding
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
