LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
MIDGETS
????
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
