like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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