just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
