This girl is more easily done than said...
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
