He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
