This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I cut my penus on the lid.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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