Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
