yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
