After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
