I'm eating all of the evidence.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize