my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
