Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize