So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
