Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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