You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
if i died would you start the facebook group?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So apparently I’m into choking now
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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