According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
