i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
