Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
