OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
