Ambien. No doubt about it.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
