I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He's on the porch naked. Help.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
