Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
