do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
