dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
this just has baby written all over it
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
