the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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