haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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