@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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