I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
