I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
