You can't motorboat a personality
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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