I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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