He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
that may or may not have been my penis.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
