Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
