Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
are you so shy because you have an std?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
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She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
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Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.