i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.