please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
