Texts From Last Night

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  (292): View more from

  i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.

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  (292): i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better. http://tfl.nu/myls
  Replies (4) Good night (623) Bad night (3412)
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  (951): View more from California

  I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?

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  (951): I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right? http://tfl.nu/4fsw
  Replies (22) Good night (2525) Bad night (752)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy

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  (206): he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy http://tfl.nu/mh40
  Replies (11) Good night (665) Bad night (5892)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror

  (906): View more from Michigan

  its going to be a good night

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  (231): i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror (906): its going to be a good night http://tfl.nu/k4vc
  Replies (22) Good night (5549) Bad night (852)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome

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  (970): we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome http://tfl.nu/ziv6
  Replies (32) Good night (753) Bad night (9253)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took

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  (770): he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took http://tfl.nu/2ren
  Replies (47) Good night (7037) Bad night (1101)
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  (626): View more from California

  Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.

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  (626): Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her. http://tfl.nu/fyts
  Replies (7) Good night (4178) Bad night (1581)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Don't worry. I has chaperone.

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  (270): Don't worry. I has chaperone. http://tfl.nu/r0c5
  Replies (24) Good night (6170) Bad night (1226)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.

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  (205): I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology. http://tfl.nu/8ghc
  Replies (18) Good night (1212) Bad night (4041)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage

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  (248): No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage http://tfl.nu/6f8g
  Replies (1) Good night (552) Bad night (1383)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard

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  (610): I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard http://tfl.nu/mt5d
  Replies (3) Good night (1308) Bad night (388)
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  (209): View more from California

  I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.

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  (209): I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here. http://tfl.nu/o4b3
  Replies (5) Good night (1068) Bad night (380)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?

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  (509): In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married? http://tfl.nu/eg0w
  Replies (6) Good night (643) Bad night (674)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.

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  (604): Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok. http://tfl.nu/aeg5
  Replies (3) Good night (639) Bad night (396)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.

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  (864): Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that. http://tfl.nu/xcwk
  Replies (1) Good night (287) Bad night (539)

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