I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza