I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
