High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
