No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
