is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
