I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
