Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
