his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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