Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
