I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
