***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm like, not good at living.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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