Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
