I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
