How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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