You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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