Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
