My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
