I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
