I am in a vortex of obligation.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
