Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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