I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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