Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
