I don't usually arrange sex via text message
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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