I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
