My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
