there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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