Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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