if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
