my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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