I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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