so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
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you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
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I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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