I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
