Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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