She announced her abortion via fbk
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize