i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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