he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
