I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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