God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
