I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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