This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
