I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
