the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
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whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
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you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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