You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I did not marry a roomba.
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