I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
